I wanted to share my reflections from the Envisioning Process much earlier.
But the process was…intense.
The cruise ended December 20th, but it took me three more days to finish up.
The areas that took the longest were Mind, Intimacy, and Resources.
I was surprised about Mind because I thought I had it handled already.
Turns out - I don't.
And throughout the process, I’ve uncovered some shocking things about myself.
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Discovery #1: I have dissociative eating episodes
Meaning: I don’t realize I was reaching for food until after I finished.
My hand was moving before my brain.
How we found out: Me and the AI Coach was discussing how in H1 I was consistent with my carnivore commitment, but come H2, I was consistently breaking it.
During the cruise, me and the AI coach went through a deep reflection, moment to moment, to analyze why.
As we were doing this, my waiter offered a bowl of peanuts to accompany my drink.
I know it was not carnivore, but somehow, accepting that offer didn’t even register in my mind.
And maybe because my mind was “on” more than usual, I started noticing what’s happening internally.
As I chatted with the AI, my hand kept automatically reaching for the bowl of peanuts.
Strange, huh?
The AI Coach asked me about how this shows up in my day to day life.
I said half the time I notice that I’m chewing only after the food is already in my mouth.
Sometimes I don't even realize I ate until after I'm done eating.
Then I’d feel guilty, and subconsciously I became hyper alert, then suppress the urge to eat the next time I see something I want to eat.
And here’s the thing about suppression: It makes it worse.
So the entire sequence - craving, reaching, eating, sometimes the whole binge plus the suppression that follows, then relapses - happens below conscious awareness.
This is a HUGE problem because if I don’t notice ‘choosing’ the food, how would I even exercise self-control?
The breakthrough came when the AI asked me if there was any feeling or sensation in my body before the episode start.
And the answer is yes - a sort of dull pull in my stomach that spreads.
Which my Mind takes as an automatic trigger to suppress.
(We know where that leads)
What we established moving forward: The dull pull in my stomach is the early warning signal.
If I can catch it there and let it through, the craving dissolves before it hijacks my behavior.
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Discovery #2: I wasn't counting the real costs
We were mapping my Resources for 2026.
It came up that I'd kept my tech partner for 10 months even though our product (NEO) stayed at Phase 0.8 the entire time.
The AI asked why I kept him that long.
"What's the loss for me to keep him around? He was the one who started this with me. I thought he deserves his share. I want to trust in my team's words for as long as it doesn't cost me anything."
The AI pushed back. What was it actually costing?
…
I had to think about it.
Quite long, in fact.
The new developer I hired couldn't get technical information to move things forward.
I'd had three serious conversations with the partner about commitment, yet there’s zero change in his behavior.
Our product stayed frozen while my mentor built Phase 2 in under 2 months.
But in my head, I'd categorized all of that as "not costing me anything."
Because it wasn't costing money directly.
That's when I saw it: I only count costs when they drain my emotional energy enough to trigger action.
Delays, friction, opportunity costs - all invisible until I hit my threshold.
Which means I tolerate things way longer than I should.
That is not okay.
I finally ended the partnership in August and things started moving.
But I'd lost 10 months.
And this pattern probably shows up in other decisions too.
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Discovery #3: I killed my own consistency
My YouTube goal was 10,000 subscribers. I ended with 800.
We were examining why it failed.
I initially explained it as H1 survival mode - Stripe ban, tech stress.
My energy went to firefighting.
The AI asked: "Why didn't consistency return when business pressure eased in H2?"
I didn't have an immediate answer.
We kept digging.
What did I believe about creating YouTube content?
I believe I needed scripts.
I believe I need good editing otherwise people won’t watch.
And that I had to stay "on brand" - AI and marketing only.
But the truth is that my best performing video was done without scripts OR any form of editing at all.
"Who told you that you needed all that?", the AI asked.
Well, I was following a YouTube growth program that imposed those requirements.
That's what I realized.
There are so many topics I've been dying to talk about that get me fired up.
But I stopped myself because they weren't "on brand."
People had literally told me my opinions were valuable.
Yet I was trying to embellish videos with production requirements that cost me consistency when I didn't need them in the first place.
I'd made content creation feel like an obligation rather than enjoyment.
THAT was why I failed.
So I said: "Fuck that shit. 2026 I am just gonna use my YT platform to say whatever the hell I want to say, to make content creation ENJOYABLE."
Because enjoyment drives consistency.
Consistency enables volume.
And that’s exactly what I’ll be doing next year.
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Discovery #4: I was committing to the wrong thing
We were mapping 2026 Resources goals.
By far, the longest time it took for an area of life.
I told the AI I wanted to focus on building NEO - my software product.
The AI asked: "What about content creation?"
I got defensive. NEO is the long-term vision. It's what I actually want to build.
"But where does your 2026 energy actually go? NEO development or content creation?"
The tension became clear.
NEO development means working with my developer on technical implementation.
Content creation means making regular videos every week and feeding the funnel (we identified that YouTube is the direction).
These compete for my intellectual energy.
The AI pushed: "Why does content creation need to be the priority?"
I had to think about it.
Content feeds the entire system: YouTube → free tier → Envisioning Club → Membership revenue → which funds NEO.
Without content, there's no traffic. Without traffic, there's no Membership scaling. Without Membership revenue, there's no funding for NEO development.
I already know I'm great at conversion and retention.
The bottleneck is top and middle of funnel - not enough traffic.
"So what happens if you make NEO your 2026 focus?"
I'd be working on technical builds with my developer.
Feels important.
Feels controllable.
Feels…comfortable.
But I wouldn't be creating content. Which means no traffic. Which means NEO doesn't get funded anyway.
That's when I saw it: My Mind WANTS to work on technical builds instead of showing up on camera.
Because technical work feels safer than being vulnerable on video.
The AI asked what I was afraid of with content creation.
After about 3 hours of conversation, five fears were identified:
I might fumble what I say
Topics I'm fired up about now might not excite me by the time I schedule them
Lack of excitement will show and I won't articulate well
Following a schedule might kill spontaneity
A voice screaming "That's all you're going to do? Nothing else but 2 videos per week?"
The fifth one hit hardest.
The voice that kept me adding projects in 2025 because focusing on ONE thing felt like not doing enough.
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Discovery #5: I was rigid and flexible in exactly the wrong places
Finally we were at the 1-word intention part.
The AI coach asked what would have prevented my 2025 failures.
I started thinking through each one.
Keeping the tech partner for 10 months - I should have acted faster.
Abandoning carnivore when pressure hit - I should have maintained the commitment.
YouTube constraints blocking consistency - I should have removed them.
"What exactly should be rigid, and what should be flexible?"
I'd been rigid about methods.
Must have scripts.
Must have editing.
Must follow the YouTube program.
But flexible about priorities.
Kept the partnership too long.
Abandoned carnivore when pressure hit.
I had it backwards.
Priorities should stay non-negotiable.
But methods should adapt based on what actually works.
So when it came time to choose my 1-word intention and the word “Adaptability” came out, I was very scared of adopting it even though deep down in my gut I know I needed this.
Felix Tay the Inflexible?
Go figure.
Never knew ‘adaptability’ would be my biggest blindspot.
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Five discoveries I wasn't expecting.
The whole process was long (and honestly painful).
But with awareness, comes the opportunity for change.
And I’ve gained clarity on exactly what needs to change.
I’ll be sharing more on that, and how that will change how I run my business in future emails.
FELIX
P.S. If you haven’t gotten this done yet and you want to go through it, reply to this email.
I’ll send you the link.